KERRVILLE, TX—Exasperated with the view from the place they were standing to observe the astronomical event, local spectators complained Monday...
Rejoice, sky-gazers, for you are about to behold one of the universe’s most amazing astronomical events. Watch now for a...
THE KINGDOM OF KARAVAR—Indicating that strong performances in such feats of strength and agility were highly predictive of future triumphs,...
Country music singer Morgan Wallen was arrested after throwing a chair off the roof of a newly six-story bar in...
These short phrases were crafted to perfectly encapsulate each state’s repulsive residents and atrocious history. The Onion examines the official...
PLANTATION, FL—Despite being a grown-ass adult in the year 2024, local resident Stu Jeffries told reporters Tuesday that he still...
Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez of Spain announced plans to scrap a so-called “golden visa” law that allows wealthy non-E.U. residents...
A woman in Florida was sentenced to jail time for stealing President Joe Biden’s daughter’s journal and selling it to...
WEATOGUE, CT—Delivering the message just as their daughters were getting ready to order lunch, the nation’s moms called a press...
The Arizona Supreme Court ruled that a 160-year-old law banning all abortions from the time of conception with no allowances...
LAS VEGAS—With onlookers gasping as the former football star made a big show of being too big for the casket,...
The Arizona Supreme Court ruled that a Civil War–era near-total abortion ban is law. The Onion provides in-depth analysis of...
LOS ANGELES—Confessing that they couldn’t stand the thought of bursting their teammate’s perfect little bubble, sources confirmed Friday that nobody...
The advocacy group Consumer Reports found that Lunchables contain potentially dangerous levels of lead, cadmium, and phthalates, as well as...
NAPLES, ITALY—In what is being hailed as a milestone in understanding the civilization that thrived in the region prior to...
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While many supporters had hoped Donald Trump would support a 15-week federal abortion ban, the former president has instead stated...
Xaviar Michael Babudar, known for attending Kansas City Chiefs games dressed as a wolf and going by the name “ChiefsAholic”,...
NEW YORK—Humiliated by the front-of-house manager’s derision, local diner Geoff Telsey was reportedly forced to wear the maître d’s toupee...