CLEARWATER, FL—Explaining that his personal health was everything to him, Tom Cruise told reporters Thursday he had purchased a Fitbit...
Spirited away by carriage under cover of night, the two lovers were wed deep in the forest by an unfrocked...
That fucker, aged who the fuck cares, finally kicked the bucket Monday, that prick. After living a no-good waste of...
Two Cornell students killed a 120-pound black bear before bringing its carcass into a communal kitchen in their dormitory to...
NIH Director’s Pulsing Neck Tumor Announces Cancer Research Cuts – The Onion Published: September 16, 2025 Source link...
NEW YORK—In an effort to relieve public concern over the thousands of footballs that go missing every season, an internal...
Gov. Gavin Newsom has gained increasing national attention for targeting President Donald Trump in the media, reportedly boosting his national...
ST. GEORGE, UT—As questions continue to swirl regarding the motive behind last week’s assassination of Charlie Kirk, The Wall Street...
A’s Fans Unable To Sustain The Wave Over Chasm Of 7,000 Empty Seats – The Onion Published: September 15, 2025...
DESTIN, FL—In an expression of disgust and contempt for the scarlet, peeling crowd of beachgoers streaming past them, the vacationing...
RACINE, WI—Saying the new product “attacks and intimidates pests right where they live,” popular insecticide brand Raid introduced its first-ever...
ARLINGTON, TX—Panicking at the realization that their personal reputations had been directly tied to the team’s dismal performance in recent...
Freida Meeks, 90, died Sunday but will not be discovered by staff at her ramshackle nursing home for another three...
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent erupted at top housing finance official Bill Pulte during a private dinner, threatening to “punch [him]...
Elon Musk was temporarily overtaken as the world’s richest person by Oracle cofounder Larry Ellison after the company’s stock surged...
Sombr, the artist behind hits “Undressed” and “Back To Friends,” won his first ever award at the 2025 MTV VMAs...
WASHINGTON—Fulfilling his pledge to realign the mission of the White House kitchen with the vision of the Founding Fathers, President...
OREM, UT—As law enforcement officials search for a person of interest in the assassination of 31-year-old Turning Point USA co-founder...
SALT LAKE CITY—Alarmed by numerous reports that the vice president was currently en route to the state, sources confirmed Thursday...
A study published in Nature Climate Change found that warmer temperatures drive Americans to consume more added sugar, especially from...