In a stark rejection of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a coalition of Kennedy family members publicly endorsed Joe Biden’s campaign...
Lumen, the company that supports 911 some emergency call services, stated that the outages in Nevada, South Dakota, and Nebraska...
ROME—Following comments that drew an immediate backlash for what critics called an inappropriate and self-serving analogy, sources confirmed Friday that...
NEW YORK—Humiliated by the front-of-house manager’s derision, local diner Geoff Telsey was reportedly forced to wear the maître d’s toupee...
SATIRE NEWS: Mom Pretty Jealous Of All The Dick Teenage Daughter Going To Pull With Those Highlights
NEW GLARUS, WI—Tsking her tongue with envy as she put the finishing touches on her teen’s at-home hairstyling, local mom...
The MTA has demanded $750,000 a year from the organization that runs the New York City Marathon to make up...
WASHINGTON—Saying they’d learned a lot about her life and the adversities she’d faced over the years, the nation’s white women...
LAS VEGAS—With onlookers gasping as the former football star made a big show of being too big for the casket,...
GLENCOE, IL—Noting that she must be some kind of genius to get such amazing results, students told reporters Friday that...
Rather than specify that a government, army, or police officer killed civilians, many news outlets prefer merely to say that...
Gov. Kristi Noem (R-SC) defended killing her 14-month-old dog, Cricket, after the anecdote was leaked from her upcoming memoir, saying...
WICHITA, KS—Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square...
PLANTATION, FL—Despite being a grown-ass adult in the year 2024, local resident Stu Jeffries told reporters Tuesday that he still...
After the Iowa star became the all-time Division 1 scoring leader with 3,900 points this year, The Onion interviewed men...
Country music singer Morgan Wallen was arrested after throwing a chair off the roof of a newly six-story bar in...
WEATOGUE, CT—Delivering the message just as their daughters were getting ready to order lunch, the nation’s moms called a press...
LOS ANGELES—Confessing that they couldn’t stand the thought of bursting their teammate’s perfect little bubble, sources confirmed Friday that nobody...
ACEH, INDONESIA—Watching in awe as the wild animal applied the medicinal product to the top of his head, primate researchers...
While many supporters had hoped Donald Trump would support a 15-week federal abortion ban, the former president has instead stated...
KERRVILLE, TX—Exasperated with the view from the place they were standing to observe the astronomical event, local spectators complained Monday...