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SATIRE NEWS: Mall Still Hasn’t Removed Rotting Santa Claus

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WICHITA, KS—Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square still hadn’t removed its now-rotting Santa Claus from a seasonal display in the mall. “He looked nice when they first put him there, right after Thanksgiving, but now that he’s all shriveled and withering away, it’s just kind of depressing,” said local woman Carla Greene, one of several mall-goers seen stepping around the jolly elf’s decomposing corpse, which, though its flesh had mostly liquefied and been covered in maggot-filled sores, was still wearing its bright red suit, signature hat, and prosthetic belly. “I love Christmas as much as the next person, but I really don’t want to see a putrefied head in a fake beard when I’m just trying to go into Dillard’s to buy some pants. Seriously, how hard could it be to move a 200-pound mall Santa out to the dumpster?” Reached for comment, mall officials acknowledged the Santa’s removal had been delayed but said they were pleased the odor of his decaying flesh had been completely overpowered by the smell of a nearby Cinnabon.



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