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WASHINGTON—Calling the elaborate heist a surefire way to keep unemployment rates low while combating inflation, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen unveiled...
WEATOGUE, CT—Delivering the message just as their daughters were getting ready to order lunch, the nation’s moms called a press...
NEW YORK—Humiliated by the front-of-house manager’s derision, local diner Geoff Telsey was reportedly forced to wear the maître d’s toupee...
A woman in Florida was sentenced to jail time for stealing President Joe Biden’s daughter’s journal and selling it to...
While many supporters had hoped Donald Trump would support a 15-week federal abortion ban, the former president has instead stated...
The Justice Department filed an antitrust lawsuit against Apple, alleging that they engaged in practices to create a monopoly and...
MUSKEGON, MI—Letting out an emphatic sigh as the boy began crying, local dad Harry Moran reportedly lost his patience Wednesday...
After the Iowa star became the all-time Division 1 scoring leader with 3,900 points this year, The Onion interviewed men...
HUNTSVILLE, AL—Bereft of the sort of close companions who would intervene before he took such a drastic step, local man...
GLENCOE, IL—Noting that she must be some kind of genius to get such amazing results, students told reporters Friday that...
LAS VEGAS—With onlookers gasping as the former football star made a big show of being too big for the casket,...
PALM BEACH, FL—With time running out for the former president to secure a bond to cover the penalty in his...
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Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez of Spain announced plans to scrap a so-called “golden visa” law that allows wealthy non-E.U. residents...
EUREKA SPRINGS, AR—Watching the soy boy miss out on countless opportunities, sources confirmed Tuesday that a local beta male on...
During an audit, Arkansas lawmakers questioned Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ (R) staff about the purchase of a $19,000 lectern, a...
MILWAUKEE—Noting that he needed to stop ignoring the messages his body was sending him, local man Rob Mandeville told reporters...