The post Cuomo Makes 11th-Hour Pass At Female New Yorkers appeared first on The Onion. Source link...
WASHINGTON—Growing increasingly contemplative as he fantasized about a stiff drink after a long day at work, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth...
LOS ANGELES—Confirming that doctors had performed the procedure successfully, sources reported Friday that Sabrina Carpenter had undergone a state-mandated lobotomy...
WASHINGTON—Stressing that the facade informs nearly every aspect of his daily life, Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) told reporters Thursday that...
WASHINGTON—After weeks of eliminating what many lawmakers called “frivolous” and “unnecessary” provisions, Congress reportedly passed a blank bill Thursday in...
The following is an open letter from Global Tetrahedron CEO Bryce P. Tetraeder that was included with each copy of The...
An 80-year-old man has told police he was wrong to drive down Rome’s famed Spanish Steps after firefighters had to...
ALTOONA, PA—Saying the pampered 6-year-old seemed to think someone should provide her with a midday meal on a regular basis,...
According to members of the team, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders received a 400% raise last season, with specific rates having...
Tina Webb, 25, died Saturday night, becoming the fifth assistant that Xander the Magnificent has burned through in as many...
LOS ANGELES—Stressing that it wasn’t their problem and they certainly didn’t have the time or energy to investigate further, the authors...
Van Horne married Blythewood Saturday, turning his bewitched household appliances back into humans. The post Fiona Blythewood and Dexter Van...
The post What Are Our Dietary Restrictions? appeared first on The Onion. Source link...
The post Allergic Swelling Leaves Kristi Noem’s Face Completely Recognizable appeared first on The Onion. Source link...
The post Texas Doctor Tapes Pregnancy Pamphlet To Comatose Woman’s Forehead appeared first on The Onion. Source link...
The severely claustrophobic Malin Rourke, 78, died Tuesday surrounded by loved ones on every side and with no possible escape....
CLEVELAND—Insisting she preferred the peace of mind that came from knowing who her children were spending time with, local mom...
The Trump Organization unveiled a mobile phone plan and a $499 smartphone that is set to launch in September, with...
The pair tied the knot in a small backyard ceremony Sunday at the childhood home of their Airbnb host. The...
WASHINGTON—Reaching out to the surviving victims of Saturday’s shootings as they recovered from their numerous gunshot wounds, President Donald Trump...