Take our test to see if you’re enough of a shameless, unethical degenerate to serve on the jury of former...
WEATOGUE, CT—Delivering the message just as their daughters were getting ready to order lunch, the nation’s moms called a press...
Boeing’s reputation has suffered serious damage following several high-profile equipment failures, including a door panel detaching during an Alaska Airlines...
The MTA has demanded $750,000 a year from the organization that runs the New York City Marathon to make up...
LOS ANGELES—Confessing that they couldn’t stand the thought of bursting their teammate’s perfect little bubble, sources confirmed Friday that nobody...
The Arizona Supreme Court ruled that a 160-year-old law banning all abortions from the time of conception with no allowances...
On the night of Easter Sunday, burglars entered the vault of a facility in San Fernando Valley where cash for...
EUREKA SPRINGS, AR—Watching the soy boy miss out on countless opportunities, sources confirmed Tuesday that a local beta male on...
INDIO, CA—In a viral video clip that left fans fawning over the celebrity couple, Travis Kelce reportedly tossed Taylor Swift...
Crypto mogul and former CEO of FTX Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years in prison for defrauding hundreds of...
Following the release of the trailer for Joker: Folie à Deux, The Onion reveals everything we know about the sequel...
NAPLES, ITALY—In what is being hailed as a milestone in understanding the civilization that thrived in the region prior to...
HUNTSVILLE, AL—Bereft of the sort of close companions who would intervene before he took such a drastic step, local man...
WASHINGTON—Calling the elaborate heist a surefire way to keep unemployment rates low while combating inflation, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen unveiled...
WASHINGTON—Responding to fallout from the Israeli military’s killing of seven World Central Kitchen aid workers in Gaza, President Biden made...
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While diarrhea is listed as a common side effect, none of the literature tells you that you will experience horrific...