The post Announcement Of Fourth Child Contains Conspicuous Lack Of Exclamation Points appeared first on The Onion. Source link...
‘I’m Ready, Man,’ Declares Weary President WASHINGTON—Explaining that this represented the end of the line and he simply wished to...
MINNEAPOLIS—Grabbing their pom-poms before heading out to pump up the crowd, several WNBA players confirmed Thursday that they have been...
TORONTO—Though he tried hard to recall what he had learned about space rocks back in middle school, local man Jason...
Bryce P. Tetraeder Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. And let me...
The 19-year-old bride and 20-year-old groom were married Sunday in a union that really only makes sense when you learn...
BOULDER, CO—After he single-handedly transformed what was once a humble get-together into a full-on rager, bystanders reported Wednesday that double-jointed...
LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that he treated the 20-year-old the same as any other rookie, Lakers power forward LeBron James denied Wednesday...
Toy manufacturer Mattel said it deeply regretted an error on the packaging of its Wicked movie-themed dolls, which mistakenly linked...
SATIRE NEWS: Study: Anxiety Natural Response To Suited Men Wearing Shades Closing In From All Angles
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Explaining that the emotional state can be a legitimate and even healthy reaction to certain stimuli, a study published...
Taylor Swift Arrested On Weapons Charges After Federal Agents Raid Tour Bus – The Onion Share Published: November 13, 2024...
More than one in five adults in the U.S. live with a mental illness. The Onion offers helpful tips for...
Expert Explains Why, Essentially, You’re Fucked – The Onion Share Published: November 11, 2024 Explore More Videos Read More Source...
Nondescript white room with no doors or windows whatsoever! Don’t worry about inquiring. If it’s a good fit, you will...
CHARLESTON, SC—Retreating from the banquet table to deliberate the virtues of roundhouse kicks to the head and submission choke holds,...
The world’s first wooden satellite was launched into space in an early test of using timber in lunar and Mars...
STEWARTSTOWN, PA—With Donald Trump decisively winning a second term as president, local sources reported this week that those tireless civil...
Democrats across the country were left in disbelief as they confronted the reality of another Donald Trump presidency, searching for...
PALM BEACH, FL—Lashing furiously at each other’s faces with their flailing hands, the Trump boys were reportedly engaged in a...
CHAPPAQUA, NY—Pressing her finger to the recently defeated candidate’s lips and urging her not to be afraid, a cloaked Hillary...