Russian Lieutenant General Igor Kirillov, who was chief of Russia’s Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Protection Troops, was killed outside a...
First lady Jill Biden announced that she is stepping down from her teaching position at Northern Virginia Community College, capping...
Millions of parents across the U.S. are scrambling to complete their holiday shopping. In honor of the season, The Onion...
Pete Hegseth, Trump’s pick to lead the Pentagon, has refused to withdraw his nomination amidst allegations of financial mismanagement and...
Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! – The Onion Share Published: December 19, 2024 Explore More Videos Read More...
MINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that building a...
CHARLOTTE, NC—Screaming at the TV and remarking to himself that none of this made any sense, local football fan Sean...
WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that even the most hopeless group of outcasts could eventually be whipped into shape, Army recruiter Sgt. Paul...
BOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside sat down to dinner. “They...
Mysterious drones have been hovering in the skies above New Jersey and other states in the Northeast for weeks, alarming...
Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas – The Onion Share Published: December 17, 2024 Explore...
ABC News agreed to pay $15 million toward Donald Trump’s presidential library to settle a defamation lawsuit over anchor George...
THE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked the gates...
LEXINGTON, KY—Clutching his stomach and describing his nostalgia for an era now passed, 36-year-old man Steven Dewey sat down with...
MADISON, WI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Wisconsin in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals...
Mufasa: The Lion King, the prequel to the 2019 photorealistic remake of The Lion King, arrives in theaters Dec. 20....
By Commander Byxxurian Greetings, earthlings. I am Commander Byxxurian from Nebula Vriphlaxor-9. I come bearing a message of utmost importance...
BENTON HARBOR, MI—Confirming that the device would give home cooks the speed, efficiency, and power of over 200 professional chefs,...
HOUSTON—In a devastating accident that left the entire downtown area in smoldering ruins, officials confirmed Tuesday that the Houston skyline...
Time named Trump their choice for Person Of The Year for the second time, recognizing the president-elect as the individual...