Pete Hegseth, Trump’s pick to lead the Pentagon, has refused to withdraw his nomination amidst allegations of financial mismanagement and...
MINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that building a...
WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that even the most hopeless group of outcasts could eventually be whipped into shape, Army recruiter Sgt. Paul...
Mysterious drones have been hovering in the skies above New Jersey and other states in the Northeast for weeks, alarming...
ABC News agreed to pay $15 million toward Donald Trump’s presidential library to settle a defamation lawsuit over anchor George...
LEXINGTON, KY—Clutching his stomach and describing his nostalgia for an era now passed, 36-year-old man Steven Dewey sat down with...
Mufasa: The Lion King, the prequel to the 2019 photorealistic remake of The Lion King, arrives in theaters Dec. 20....
BENTON HARBOR, MI—Confirming that the device would give home cooks the speed, efficiency, and power of over 200 professional chefs,...
Time named Trump their choice for Person Of The Year for the second time, recognizing the president-elect as the individual...
President Joe Biden commuted the sentences of roughly 1,500 people who were released from prison and placed on home confinement...
Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! – The Onion Share Published: December 19, 2024 Explore More Videos Read More...
CHARLOTTE, NC—Screaming at the TV and remarking to himself that none of this made any sense, local football fan Sean...
BOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside sat down to dinner. “They...
Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas – The Onion Share Published: December 17, 2024 Explore...
THE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked the gates...
MADISON, WI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Wisconsin in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals...
By Commander Byxxurian Greetings, earthlings. I am Commander Byxxurian from Nebula Vriphlaxor-9. I come bearing a message of utmost importance...
HOUSTON—In a devastating accident that left the entire downtown area in smoldering ruins, officials confirmed Tuesday that the Houston skyline...
PALM BEACH, FL—Despite begging to attend the party in his suit like every other member of Donald Trump’s future cabinet,...
The 2034 World Cup was officially awarded to Saudi Arabia, raising concerns from human rights groups about the safety of...