SATIRE NEWS: Women Explain Why They Are Attracted To Walton Goggins’ Character In ‘Fallout’

“He looks like he has low standards.”

“I have a thing for men in advanced stages of physical deterioration.”

“He reminds me of a young Ronald Reagan.”

“Oh, like you’ve never wanted to fuck a sentient corpse.”

“He may be a quasi-deceased bounty hunter, but at least he has a steady job.”

“Saying I’m attracted to the Ghoul is a good way to annoy my boyfriend enough to turn off the show and let me watch whatever I want.”

“I feel like I could fix him.”

“He might be a hardass on the outside, but you can tell that deep down below his hardened exterior, he’s an undead cannibal without a heart.”

“The radiation exposure probably made him infertile, so I’d never have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy.”

“It’s easier to lust after existing IP than it is to invent my own original disgusting sexual fantasies.”

“There’s just something so sexy about being eaten alive by a deranged psychopath.”

“The work I’ve had done on my face has also turned me into a monster.”

“Have you met the single men in my town?”

“We both enjoy stabbing dogs.”

“He’s like a more cultured, suave Freddy Krueger.”

“He looked directly at me midway through episode five and said, ‘I love you—come join me in my television world!’ then extended a hand through the screen. I did, and it’s been great!”

“Switch out the cowboy hat for a flat bill and he’s a 10 out of 10.”

“I’d love to scream out ‘the Ghoul!’ in bed.”

“Amazon throws to a commercial every time I try to masturbate to him, which always leaves me wanting more.”

“I feel like I need to date several post-apocalyptic cannibals before I settle down with the right humanoid zombie man.”

“He’s like a handsome version of Walton Goggins.”

“I assume that when he cums, his penis shoots out a cloud of spiders.”