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SATIRE NEWS: Trump Helps Pay Legal Bills With New Gig As CNN Contributor

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NEW YORK—Earning $2,200 per appearance, former president Donald Trump has begun paying his legal bills with a new gig as a CNN contributor, sources confirmed Wednesday. “We are pleased to welcome Donald Trump to CNN’s talented roster of experts and insiders,” CNN chairman and CEO Mark Thompson said of the former president, who appeared professional and confident during his first on-air appearance on The Situation Room With Wolf Blitzer, smiling and saying, “Thanks, Wolf,” before offering his opinion on how his hush money trial would impact his 2024 campaign. “In addition to the experience he draws from his time in the Trump administration, Mr. Trump will be able to offer CNN viewers exclusive insight into his own psyche. Nobody understands Donald Trump better than Donald Trump. If things go well, soon he could even be promoted to anchor.” At press time, Trump had reportedly been fired for exposing himself during a Zoom call.



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