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SATIRE NEWS: Youngest Brother’s Reputation Among Family Still Just The One Who Threw Scissors At Mom

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JOPLIN, MO—Though decades have passed since the incident that sealed his reputation through childhood and beyond, siblings of Dennis McKee told reporters Friday that their youngest brother’s status within the family continued to be that of the one who threw scissors at their mom one time. “Regardless of anything Denny may have said or done since, to us he’ll always be the kid who, out of nowhere, just hurled a sharp object at my mother’s head,” said sister Kaitlyn McKee, recalling the 1997 incident in which Dennis, now a successful attorney who is married and raising two kids of his own, grabbed a pair of safety scissors, threw them as hard as he could, and hit their mother, Deborah McKee, in the face. “He was livid because Mom had taken away his Game Boy, but still, he’d never done anything like that before. None of us had. After he did it, everything went dead quiet because we were all waiting to see what would happen next. I mean, the scissors were plastic, so she wasn’t injured or anything, but still—does he really think we’re just going to forget something like that? Not a chance.” At press time, sources confirmed Dennis was no longer seen as the one who threw scissors at Mom after he was arrested for killing a family while driving drunk.



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