SATIRE NEWS: Paralyzed High School Quarterback Praised As Hero For Not Suing

DAVENPORT, IA—Lauded for his courage and good cheer even in the face of adversity, local high school quarterback Brett Modine, who was paralyzed during a practice scrimmage earlier in the year, was praised as a hero this week for not suing. “Real bravery is taking it on the chin like Brett did and still finding it within yourself to refrain from filing a lawsuit against the school district,” said coach Frank Gabrola, echoing the sentiments of dozens of faculty members and local residents who considered Modine’s lack of legal action to be emblematic of the sort of all-American champion he was at heart. “A guy like Brett is always going to do what’s best for the team, for the school, for the community. For him, it’s not about getting revenge, or keeping score, or receiving financial remuneration for his life-altering injury. He just does what he knows is right, and that’s what makes him a hero.” Gabrola added that he knew Modine would continue to comport himself with a quiet dignity and never complain about the school’s lack of wheelchair ramps or ADA-compliant restrooms.