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CARMEL, IN—Though they had previously approved the style and color, a damning new report released Tuesday found that someone wasn’t wearing the shirt their wife picked out for them. Sources confirmed that someone, who shall remain nameless, had shown up to a nice dinner party in a shirt that was not the one from the link their wife showed them, which they had definitely given a thumbs-up to and agreed to wear before driving to Glen and Mary’s house. According to sources, for some reason, a certain someone failed to do the only thing they had to do that day, which was to go home after work and change into the new shirt that their wife ordered online, which was already freshly pressed and laid out on the bed for them. Unless, sources speculated, this ungrateful person went out of their way not to wear it on purpose, with absolutely no regard for their wife’s feelings, time, or energy, despite the shirt being very expensive and of a nice material. At press time, new evidence suggested that someone had, for some godforsaken reason, chosen to wear the ratty button-down an old girlfriend had given them.
