SATIRE NEWS: Women’s Cross-Country Skiing Marred By Catcalling Italian Men On Sidelines

VAL DI FIEMME, ITALY—Calling it a “relentless barrage of unwelcome yelling” that distracted from the competition, officials confirmed Saturday that the women’s 10km + 10km Skiathlon event had been marred by Italian men catcalling along the sidelines. “Ayyy, bella, how ’bout you-a come grip-a my ski pole, eh?” said one of the hundreds of local men stationed along the course who had shown up to leer and make kissy faces at the athletes as they raced across the harsh terrain, visibly rattling competitors unaccustomed to conditions that included lewdly gesticulating men in bowling shirts smoothing their hair and wolf-whistling. “Mamma mia, look at-a the cannolis on this one! Ciao, principessa, you-a skiing right into my heart! Call me if you want-a my spicy meatballs after-a the race!” Officials noted they did not anticipate similar disruptions during the remaining cross-country events, as the majority of catcallers had been chased off by their rolling pin-wielding wives.