SATIRE NEWS: Woman’s Career Dies In Childbirth

DAYTON, OH—In a tragic turn to what loved ones had expected to be a joyous day, family sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Sandra McDowell’s career had died in childbirth. “We did everything we could to preserve the mother’s job prospects, but sadly, she just lost too much employability for her career to survive,” said obstetrician Heather Parlon, adding that McDowell’s husband broke down outside the delivery room when he learned that he’d be raising his child in a single-income household. “Her marketing career was so young and full of promise. She was just an entry-level assistant content manager, for heaven’s sake, with so many good years of moving up the corporate ladder ahead of her. And now she’s lying completely jobless on a hospital bed, and all those promotions and wage increases and corner offices she dreamed of are gone, just like that. It breaks your heart to see a career cut short before it could fully blossom in this world.” McDowell’s husband reportedly chose to honor her career’s memory by naming their daughter Chief Content Strategist.