SATIRE NEWS: Woman Struggles To Put Down Bags While Holding Coffee Like Dog Trying To Fit Stick Through Door

CHICAGO—Cocking her head in confusion as she sought to determine if what she was attempting to do was even possible, area woman Sandra Brackett reportedly struggled to put down her bags Wednesday while still holding onto her coffee like a dog trying to fit a stick through a door. “Oh, here she goes—can she figure this out?” coworker Angie Ackerman said as a large tote bag dangled from Brackett’s forearm and she tried to set it down and let go of it without spilling her coffee, a scenario that recalled a Golden retriever’s attempts to bring inside a stick that is longer than a doorframe’s width. “Every time this happens you can see her bumping up against the limits of her spatial logic. She keeps sliding the bag up and down her arm, but of course that doesn’t work. Wait, she’s almost got it…nope, not quite.” At press time, Brackett, still entangled in her bags and holding her coffee, had reportedly laid down on the floor in resignation and was growling at anyone who tried to help her.