SATIRE NEWS: White House Correspondents’ Dinner Scraps Host In Favor Of Terrified Silence

WASHINGTON—In the wake of comments the comedian made that reportedly angered the Trump administration, the White House Correspondents’ Association confirmed Monday that it had scrapped Amber Ruffin as the host of its annual dinner in favor of terrified silence. “After much deliberation, we have opted to part ways with Ms. Ruffin so we can refocus the event on sitting silently and eating dinner in prolonged, muted fear,” said association president Eugene Daniels, adding that the event would now feature 120 minutes of guests staring down at their plates and listening only to the occasional sound of scraping silverware. “Rather than enjoying a comedic performance, we encourage everyone to monitor their breathing, nervously move their food around their plates with their forks, and look up only to make terrified eye contact with others at their table. While we respect the legacy of a presidential roast, if you so much as cough, you will be forcibly removed.” Daniels added, however, that guests would be permitted a brief moment in which to scream when they discovered at the end of the night that all the doors to the venue had been locked.