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Weapons, a new horror film from the director of Barbarian, topped the box office on its opening weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the movie.
Q. Why is the film called Weapons?
A. The title Where Did The Kids Go? Find Out, Josh Brolin! didn’t test well.
Q: Is it scary?
A: It’s less “ghost scary” and more “going to the bad CVS at two in the morning scary.”
Q: What is it about?
A: Two hours.
Q. Who is the villain of the film?
A. The AMC employee that keeps telling you vaping isn’t allowed in the theater
Q: Is there a cliffhanger?
A: It’s still unclear whether the students have to complete any make-up work.
Q: What is the film’s message?
A: If 17 kids can disappear overnight, then losing a couple in the Poconos Mountains doesn’t make you a bad mom.