SATIRE NEWS: Understaffed FAA Recommends Pilots Just Go With Their Gut

WASHINGTON—As fewer air traffic controllers show up for work amid a government shutdown that has halted their pay, the Federal Aviation Administration issued a recommendation Friday advising commercial pilots to “just go with their gut.” “You’ve done this plenty of times by now, so, you know, go ahead and feel free to trust your instincts when landing without visibility,” said FAA administrator Bryan Bedford, assuring concerned pilots that there were no wrong answers when it came to flying an airplane and that the worst thing they could do was overthink it. “Look, you’ve probably got a good feel for which runways are open by now, and if you see another plane headed your way, just do what feels natural—go up, turn sideways. You’d know better than us. Planes have computers now, so you can probably let the computers do a lot of stuff for you. Just close your eyes and hope for the best.” The FAA assured pilots not to worry, suggesting that the “sky is pretty huge” and that they would probably be okay.