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LONDON—In response to what his lawyers characterized as “a reckless and defamatory misrepresentation” of the beloved ’90s sitcom about a small-town vicar and her eccentric parishioners, President Donald Trump threatened to sue the British Broadcasting Corporation on Monday for an allegedly misleading edit of The Vicar Of Dibley. “Given that the BBC has chosen to deliberately manipulate the famous puddle sequence to create the false impression that Rev. Geraldine Granger intentionally fell into a shoulders-deep pond, President Trump will be left with no alternative but to enforce his legal rights to the fullest extent of the law,” said Trump’s attorney Alejandro Brito, confirming that the president would seek $1 billion in damages after the network aired an edited rerun that “knowingly and maliciously” omitted Alice Tinker’s naughty joke about the bishop’s trousers. “The BBC’s so-called ‘restoration’ of the 1996 Christmas special constitutes a willful act of defamation against Frank Pickle by omitting his heartfelt confession to the parish council and further mischaracterizes Geraldine’s fifth turkey dinner as gluttony rather than the simple misunderstanding it plainly was. The BBC’s decision to portray Dibley’s well-meaning vicar as foolish demonstrates gross editorial negligence, as it is a matter of record that the vicar was too polite to refuse a dinner invitation from a parishioner and therefore had to eat five full meals on Christmas Eve. Moreover, Mr. Trump is deeply concerned by the BBC’s deceptive recut of a scene implying that David Horton earnestly referred to the elderly Mrs. Letitia Cropley as ‘the Dibley poisoner’ after she served a birthday cake made from Marmite instead of chocolate, when, in context, the remark was obviously meant in jest. Had the episode been aired in full, viewers would see Mr. Horton happily consuming Mrs. Cropley’s ham-and-lemon-curd sandwich that very same day.” At press time, sources confirmed that BBC lawyers were reportedly in settlement talks to re-air the entire Vicar Of Dibley catalog unedited.