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WASHINGTON—In a move that stunned the global real estate community, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday pulling the United States out of House Hunters International. “We’re not benefiting from those perfect little apartments in Barcelona, so why should the U.S. foot the bill?” said Trump, who called out China for not paying its fair share toward finding cozy, sunbathed Parisian properties with original parquet flooring. “For decades, America has poured millions and millions of dollars into House Hunters International while getting very little in return. The Democrats got us into this in the first place. We should have never been involved. Sorry, house hunters. You’re on your own now.” At press time, President Trump was calling for more dream Italian fixer-uppers on American shores.