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WASHINGTON—With thousands of aircraft suddenly falling out of the sky after the power was turned off, President Donald Trump announced cutbacks this week that forced the Federal Aviation Administration to unplug the giant magnet that keeps planes in the air. “This electromagnet, which I’ve order to be immediately shut down, is wastefully costing taxpayers tens of billions each year to allow freeloading planes to remain airborne,” said Trump, explaining that he instructed aides to remove the magnet’s massive extension cord from the national surge protector to end the over century-long era in which the U.S. relied on magnetic forces to keep airplanes aloft. “I’ve asked Elon to tour the facility and look into installing an even bigger magnet that will help larger planes fly even higher in the sky, which I can assure you will be the envy of the world. We are also examining the extravagant and very costly spring system that propels our nation’s trains.” At press time, Trump failed to mention that the magnet keeping Air Force One suspended in flight would continue to operate without interruption.