SATIRE NEWS: Tom Cruise Buys Fitbit To Help Him Get 10,000 Daily Stunts

CLEARWATER, FL—Explaining that his personal health was everything to him, Tom Cruise told reporters Thursday he had purchased a Fitbit to help him get in his 10,000 daily stunts. “Now that I’m getting older, it’s more important than ever to make sure I’m staying active, whether that’s going on a leisurely sprint across a crumbling bridge in the morning or scaling the Burj Khalifa on the weekend with friends,” said the 62-year-old movie star, who demonstrated the smartwatch’s capabilities by diving off the roof of a building, landing on a motorcycle, and riding it across a cannon while he fired a gun, activities the device automatically logged as four stunts. “This thing has made me completely obsessed with tracking my stunts. I have to get to 10,000 every day, or I go mad. This morning, I jumped out of, like, three helicopters before I realized I wasn’t even wearing it—so frustrating! Plus, I’ll admit, it could stand to be more waterproof.” Cruise revealed that he had also tried using an Apple Watch, but grew frustrated when it wouldn’t stop dialing 911.