SATIRE NEWS: Tom Brady Provides Detailed Analysis Of How Easy It Would Be For Him To Take Dak Prescott’s Job

CLEVELAND—Covering the Browns vs. Cowboys game for his highly anticipated Fox Sports broadcasting debut, Tom Brady provided a detailed analysis Sunday of how easy it would be for him to take Dallas quarterback Dak Prescott’s job. “As someone who competed in the NFL against Dak for seven seasons, I know his game very well, and let me just say, with one quick text to Jerry Jones, I could be on the field as the Cowboys starting quarterback next week,” said Brady, who, along with his broadcasting partner Kevin Burkhardt, then proceeded to pull up a screen and scrawl the words “Tom Brady” and “just show up” to diagram exactly how he would come out of retirement for a second time and immediately steal Prescott’s job, title, and four-year, $160 million contract. “First, I’d exert pressure on the coaching staff by saying ‘seven Super Bowl wins.’ Then, I’d make a big fuss about how I’ve been having second thoughts about this whole sports broadcaster thing. Fast-forward a couple of days, and I’m in Dallas wearing a Cowboy’s jersey and the whole team is calling me ‘Captain Tom Brady.’ Watch. I could do it right now.” At press time, Brady also provided a detailed analysis of how easy it would be for him to take Prescott’s girlfriend and get the quarterback’s daughter to call him “Dad.”