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Voting in local elections is key to democracy. The Onion shares tips for researching candidates on the ballot in your community.
First, learn the name of the town or city you live in, and ideally the state as well.
Decide exactly how important it is to you that your vote is informed.
Ensure your preferred candidate’s conflicts of interest are aligned with your own.
Watch your local TV news station to find out what Sinclair thinks.
If you’re confused, a mayor is a president but smaller.
Blackmail each candidate to see how they react to real-world political pressures.
Follow your local newspaper’s in-depth coverage of local races by living 30 years ago.
Google each name on the ballot plus “crimes against humanity” just to be safe.
Find out where each candidate’s kids go to school and work backwards from there.
There’s no shame in following a voter guide you got from the Church of Scientology.