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Catholics around the world will soon enter the Lenten season, an annual 40-day period of sacrifice, prayer, and repentance that ends on Easter Sunday. The Onion shares tips for observing Lent.
Try starting with something shorter like Yom Kippur and working your way up.
Check Google Maps for the nearest wanderable desert.
Remind your children that they’re fasting because of the Lord and not because you can’t afford groceries.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up and worship Baal once or twice.
God’s usually pretty busy on Wednesdays, so you can cheat all you want and He won’t notice.
Have an excuse ready for when your wife suggests giving up alcohol.
Remember that you’re not competing with anyone except God.
Convert to Islam before Lent starts, then convert back before Ramadan rolls around.
When it is almost over, think of something you haven’t done for the past 40 days and say that’s what you gave up.
Don’t give up your big cowboy hat. That thing rules.