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Gov. Gavin Newsom has gained increasing national attention for targeting President Donald Trump in the media, reportedly boosting his national standing as the unofficial Democratic frontrunner for 2028, according to polls. The Onion sat down with the California governor to discuss his political strategy.
The Onion: What are your core beliefs?
Newsom: Are those a prerequisite for being president?
The Onion: Where did you grow up?
Newsom: I need to check some polling data before I answer that question.
The Onion: Are you running for president in 2028?
Newsom: Right now, I’m purely focused on alienating the people of California.
The Onion: How do you respond to accusations that you’re beholden to large donors?
Newsom: I assure you, there is no one I won’t betray in my pursuit of power.
The Onion: What is your solution to the homelessness crisis in California?
Newsom: A thick tarp, some duct tape, and a shovel.
The Onion: How are you working to fix California’s $12 billion budget deficit?
Newsom: By making fun of the president.
The Onion: What’s next for you?
Newsom: More teeth.