SATIRE NEWS: Study Finds Regular Journaling Can Help Provide Clues About Mysterious Disappearance

BOSTON—In a new study that found the practice significantly improves outcomes for missing persons investigations, researchers at Northeastern University’s School of Criminology and Criminal Justice concluded that regular journaling can help provide clues about a mysterious disappearance. “While you may imagine you’re too busy to journal, even a few names jotted down and circled multiple times in red ink can prove highly beneficial to the detectives looking for leads when you disappear without a trace,” study co-author David Mosquera said Thursday, adding that 15 minutes a day of journal writing makes a big difference, whether a person is describing a gorge where they like to go just to sit and think, or penning a moody, romantic poem addressed to the single initial “J.” “Simply getting some thoughts down on paper can have a huge effect on investigators trying to determine if your obsession with a college professor or a stranger you met at a bar was mere infatuation or something more nefarious. Not only does it provide perspective on how you’ve changed through the years, it also shows how the noose slowly tightened around you, leading to you never being seen again.” The study found that the most helpful journal entries were those in which an individual made a simple list of all the people currently plotting to kill them.