SATIRE NEWS: Study Finds Intermittent Fasting No More Effective Than Conventional Eating Disorder

NEW YORK—In a discovery that increased doubt about the popular diet trend, a study published Thursday by Columbia University researchers found that intermittent fasting was no more effective than conventional eating disorders. “While abstaining from food for several hours has gained far-reaching acceptance in recent years, the evidence suggests that it produces comparable results to any of the many eating disorders already in wide use,” said lead researcher Dr. Harold Morgan, urging those thinking about starting a regimen of scheduling meals to alternate between periods of extreme calorie deficits and non-fasting to consult their doctors about which specific eating disorder was right for them. “As obvious as they might seem, bulimia, anorexia, and orthorexia are the tried-and-true standards for a reason. Periodically abstaining from food might seem easier than binging and purging, but the reality is that what eating disorder you choose isn’t one size fits all and depends entirely on what maladaptive consumption patterns make the most sense for your situation.” Morgan added that, at the end of the day, the right eating disorder is ultimately the one that you can stick with in the long run.