SATIRE NEWS: Shedeur Sanders Confident He Can Deliver Everything Browns Fans Have Come To Expect

CLEVELAND—Saying he was ready to carry on the legacy forged by Cody Kessler, Dorian Thompson-Robinson, and dozens of other short-lived Browns signal callers over the past two decades, rookie quarterback Shedeur Sanders told reporters Friday he was “more than confident” he could deliver everything Cleveland fans had come to expect. “Being this team’s 42nd starting quarterback since 1999 is a huge responsibility, but I’m prepared to be that guy,” said the fifth-round pick, adding that he felt fully capable of upholding the standard set by his many predecessors who had been thrust into the lineup by injuries, and that he had no doubt he possessed the skill, composure, and maturity required to lead the Browns through the kind of last-place campaign the franchise’s loyal fan base had grown accustomed to. “I can’t wait to go out there and show what it truly means to be a Cleveland Browns quarterback. Dillon [Gabriel] left some big shoes to fill, but I know I can carry the torch and embody everything this 2–8 team represents.” Sanders vowed to give the Browns everything he had for the next two weeks, at which point he expects to lose the starting job to Bailey Zappe.