SATIRE NEWS: Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man

WASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday that he “lacks the humanity” to return wrongly deported legal U.S. resident Kilmar Abrego Garcia back to America. “How can I return an innocent man to the United States when I don’t have the ability to feel empathy or compassion?” said Bukele, explaining that he’s consulted with his top advisors about the 29-year-old Maryland father being held in a Salvadoran prison, but none of them could find it in their hearts to care at all about the man’s situation. “Do you hear how ridiculous it sounds to expect that I could see myself reflected in another human being’s experience? Even if I wanted to, there’s no way I could acknowledge the plight of someone who is suffering because I am completely numb to the pain of others. My hands are tied because I’m totally dead inside.” At press time, President Trump had publicly thanked Bukele for his use of cruelty to project a facade of strength.