SATIRE NEWS: Report: No, Really, TSA To Require Real ID This Year

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that Americans need to get their travel documents updated because the agency wasn’t messing around anymore, the TSA officials confirmed Monday that, no, really, they’re going to require Real ID this year. “As of May 7th, TSA checkpoints will require travelers to be Real ID compliant to board domestic flights—we know we’re always saying that but this time we mean it,” said a TSA official at a press conference outlining the change this morning, urging prospective fliers to stop smirking and take them seriously because they were definitely, definitely not rolling it back anymore. “Yes, we said May 2023 before, and October 2021 and a couple other things before that, but those delays were just flukes. May 7th, 2025 is a hard deadline and the true point of no return for flying without an Enhanced Driver’s License or other acceptable Real ID document. For real, though. Five months, that’s it. You’d better get your ass to the DMV. Anyone still putting off getting a Real ID because they think we’re just going to kick the can another few years down the road will be laughing on the other side of their face come May.” At press time, the official announced that they were delaying full enforcement until March 2027 after their laminator broke.