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Satire news: report: half of all uncontacted people could be

SATIRE NEWS: Report: Half Of All Uncontacted People Could Be Wiped Out In Next Decade

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The new report revealed that thousands of uncontacted Indigenous peoples around the world are facing increasing dangers, such as contact by missionaries, miners, criminal gangs, and social media influencers spreading diseases and clearing forests, that could wipe out as many as half in 10 years. What do you think?



“Worth it to appear in a TikTok trying Oreos for the first time.”

Simon Rosado, Milk Bleacher


“It’s unhealthy to avoid socializing for thousands of years.”

Andy Pollard, Systems Analyst


“They’ll feel better about it when they see all the nickel we’re extracting.”

Kimi Fredrickson, Antiquities Duster



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