SATIRE NEWS: Raygun’s Apology To Breakdancing Community Sparks Outrage From Apology Community

SYDNEY—In an outpouring of criticism in which the expression of remorse was disparaged as an affront to the art form, Olympian Rachael Gunn’s apology to the breakdance community sparked outrage Thursday from the apology community. “Quite frankly, it looked like she had never said sorry before in her life,” celebrated apologizer Lily Mickleburg told reporters, saying the “embarrassing” viral video in which Gunn, widely known as Raygun, attempted to make amends with other competitive breakdancers had undermined the reputation of apologizing in the eyes of the public. “Just because she’s a university lecturer with a Ph.D., she thinks she can express contrition? Did you see her? She was flailing all over the place with that statement of regret for her actions. This is what happens when you let people who have no background in saying they’re sorry try to apologize.” At press time, reports confirmed Gunn had decided not to kill herself in hopes of avoiding pushback from the suicide community.