SATIRE NEWS: Prospective Car Buyer Takes SUV Out For Test Hit And Run

PHILADELPHIA—Saying he was in the market for a more powerful and rugged vehicle, prospective car buyer Gabe Orcutt reportedly took an SUV out Wednesday for a test hit and run. “I took it for a spin through some pedestrians, and I like how smoothly this thing flees the scene of an accident,” Orcutt said of the GMC Acadia, adding that he was impressed by how well the mid-size sport utility vehicle handled curbs and bollards. “I popped right up on the sidewalk, over a guy, and into the park, no problem. The all-wheel drive was perfect for getting through the uneven mulch on the playground, and the backup camera made reversing out from under the slide so easy. Plus it gets great gas mileage. I topped out at 110 mph evading the police, and it barely used any gas.” Orcutt later confirmed that while he liked the Acadia, he ultimately needed something cheaper that wouldn’t depreciate the instant he drove it through a storefront window.