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SATIRE NEWS: Prosecutors Unable To Attend Live Nation Trial After

SATIRE NEWS: Prosecutors Unable To Attend Live Nation Trial After Scalpers Buy Every Ticket

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NEW YORK—Jeopardizing the fate of what could be a landmark federal antitrust trial, U.S. prosecutors were reportedly unable to attend the Live Nation trial Friday after scalpers bought every ticket. “Ah, shit, I promised my daughter I was going to prosecute Live Nation for her birthday,” said David E. Dahlquist, a lawyer for the U.S. Justice Department who groaned upon seeing the astronomical resale prices on Ticketmaster’s website, where some seats in the jury box were selling for as high as $2,900. “We’re government employees, for heaven’s sake. We can’t afford those kinds of prices. I guess we could sit in the gallery, but even that would run us almost 300 bucks.” At press time, reports confirmed Dahlquist had been tackled by a bailiff after attempting to sneak in.





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