SATIRE NEWS: Poll Finds Americans Still Believe Greatest Threat To Public Health The Undertaker

WASHINGTON—Shedding new light on the widespread dissemination of misinformation, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday that found the majority of Americans still believe the greatest threat to public health is the Undertaker. “More than 85% of U.S. adults stated they were ‘extremely concerned’ about the negative health impact the Deadman could have on their community,” said pollster Christopher Hwang, who noted that survey respondents stated they were far more distressed about negative repercussions of the Undertaker’s chokeslam than they were about the opioid epidemic, antimicrobial resistance, heart disease, gun violence, or climate change. “The majority of Americans spend a significant amount of energy  preparing for the possibility of the Undertaker entering their home or workplace as ‘Ain’t No Grave’ begins to play. It’s really outdated information they’re working with, as he hasn’t stepped inside the ring since 2020. That being said, small children and the elderly should of course still take precautions against the Undertaker.” Hwang went on to stress that most Americans were dangerously underestimating the threat of El Grande Americano.