SATIRE NEWS: Political Profile: Jack Schlossberg – The Onion

Satire news: political profile: jack schlossberg the onion

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Jack Schlossberg, who is best known for his provocative social media presence and for being the grandson of John F. Kennedy, announced a run for U.S. Congress. Here’s everything you need to know about the Democrat.

Core Belief: Americans are sicker of gerontocracy than nepotism

Reason For Running: Bored

Dream Job: MrBeast

Role In Fraternity: Social chair

Notable Family Members: Cousin-in-law of Cheryl from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Signature Issue: Jack Schlossberg for Congress

Biggest Advantage: Born into one of the nation’s most powerful jawlines

Home District: TikTok Explore Page

Active Curses: Kennedy family, Ra, Bambino, Hope diamond

Backup Plan: President



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