SATIRE NEWS: Pete Hegseth Rails Against Fat Generals

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Pete Hegseth sharply condemned “fat generals” at a military gathering, ordering all officers to meet stricter fitness standards. What do you think?

“Hopefully this isn’t a return to the rail-thin ‘heroin chic’ generals of the ’90s.”

Abby Hackett, Unemployed


“Personally, I’ve always preferred my senior officers to be on the thicker side.”

Kenneth Bonas, Font Consultant


“That kind of fat-shaming is what causes generals to binge on MREs in the first place.”

Justin Linderman, Backup Physician



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