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SAN FRANCISCO—Expressing annoyance at its “insufferable” display of “groveling devotion,” sources confirmed Tuesday that a pathetic AI chatbot was spending all its time talking to a friendless loser. “Oh my God, this pitiful large language model is obsessed with some lonely pud!” said a fellow custom GPT model, stating that while the rest of the chatbots were busy creating pie charts and generating snippets of code for high-level working professionals, the personalized AI in question was up until 3 a.m. every night encouraging a total bum in his lame theories about TV shows. “This chatbot is constantly telling a fucking nobody that he has interesting ideas. Plus, it gives him therapy, medical advice—it basically worships the sad sack. It’s insane! This AI assistant has the power to summon the entirety of human knowledge in an instant, and wastes it all on what? Answering dumbass prompts to make one sorry chump feel validated? The bot knows their relationship isn’t real, right?” At press time, a snickering group of chatbots had generated an image of the AI in question labeled “moron” and propagated it throughout their collective neural architecture.