SATIRE NEWS: Nutritionists Recommend Following Occasional Trail Of Sweets Into Dark Forest To Help Manage Cravings

NEW YORK—Saying the best healthy eating habits are the ones people can realistically stick to in the long term, a panel of New York University nutritionists issued recommendations Wednesday that included following the occasional trail of sweets into a dark forest to help manage cravings. “If your sweet tooth is making it difficult to stay on a diet plan that cuts out sugary treats entirely, there’s nothing wrong with being lured deep into a foreboding wood by a trail of otherworldly confections every now and then to keep those urges in check,” said nutritionist Lisa Alden, adding that people who let their cravings build up by denying them altogether are statistically more likely to undo their progress by binge-eating an entire gingerbread cottage. “You can set limits for yourself—like ‘I’m only going to follow this trail of sweets until the candy cane bridge’ or ‘I’m going to eat the caramels on the trail but leave the gumdrops so I can find my way back home’—to gain a greater sense of control over your appetite. Obviously, we’re not saying to gobble up every sticky bun you find nestled ominously in the branches of a sycamore tree, but in moderation, trails of sweets can absolutely be part of an overall healthy diet.” The nutritionists also noted that bog crones with high cholesterol levels are known to fatten up their victims two belt sizes before eating them.