SATIRE NEWS: Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere

NEW YORK—Leaping at the opportunity to make their intentions clear, numerous NFL front offices expressed interest this week in quarterback Aaron Rodgers playing elsewhere, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Aaron Rodgers feels like he could be a great fit for the culture of other places,” said an anonymous NFC general manager among the flurry of teams across the NFL frantically stating their commitment to keeping Rodgers off their roster. “We immediately reached out to his agent to improve our chances of keeping Aaron Rodgers as far away as possible from our franchise. This puts us in a much better position than many of the other teams in the league who now risk acquiring the former Jets quarterback because they waited too long to make an insultingly low salary offer or mock his weird beliefs and idiotic conspiracy theories.” At press time, several NFL teams reportedly entered a bidding war offering high draft picks to any franchise willing to suffer Aaron Rodgers.