SATIRE NEWS: Night Out More Fun Without Broke Friend

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Laughing as they paraded down the street with a newfound sense of freedom, sources confirmed this week that a tight-knit group’s night out was made much more fun without their broke friend. “At first, I was a little bummed that Jen couldn’t make it out, but then I realized we could hit that fancy new cocktail bar and all get sushi afterward—we haven’t gotten sushi in forever,” said 29-year-old Sara Muller, noting that it was a lot easier for the friends to enjoy everything nightlife had to offer when they didn’t have to worry about whether their poorest pal had enough money to buy a round. “There were no awkward moments of watching her eat an appetizer while everyone else enjoyed entrees, and there was no weird pressure to walk instead of taking an Uber. I can pay for everyone’s cover at the club and not worry about her Venmo getting declined when she tries to pay me back. This is, like, the best night ever.” According to reports, the carefree crew sent a video to their broke friend in which they wished her good luck with her surgery as they popped open a bottle of champagne.