SATIRE NEWS: NFL Confirms Players Will Still Wear ‘Fight Bigotry’ Jockstraps

NEW ORLEANS—Insisting their opposition to all forms of prejudice had not changed despite recent events, the NFL confirmed Sunday that players would still wear their “Fight Bigotry” jockstraps at the Super Bowl. “Trust us, when you tune into tonight’s game, the groins of players will continue to proudly represent the ongoing battle against systemic racism,” said NFL spokesperson Anthony Cameron, assuring the public that the unifying message would remain visible in bold text on the pouch cradling and protecting the genitals of those on the field. “Make no mistake, encircling our players’ testicles is an enduring commitment to ending hatred of every sort. That’s especially true for the back straps supporting their ass cheeks, where our slogan ‘Choose Love’ is on full display.” Cameron added that the league would allow players who objected to the straps on political grounds to instead wear official NFL athletic supporters covered in pink hearts and bearing the words “Hot Stuff.”