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Satire news: national guardsman awakes screaming from nightmare about americans

SATIRE NEWS: National Guardsman Awakes Screaming From Nightmare About Americans Going About Daily Lives

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FORT WORTH, TX—Catching his breath and wiping the sweat from his brow after he realized it was all just a bad dream, Texas National Guard member Jason Ringgold reportedly woke up screaming at 3 a.m. Thursday after having a nightmare about Americans peacefully going about their daily lives. “Oh God, they were carrying groceries and picking up their kids from school—from school,” said a still-shaken Ringgold, who recently returned home from Chicago, where his unit is still deployed, and who admitted he was reliving scenes such as a woman driving home from work, doing some grocery shopping, and heading home to make dinner. “It all felt so real, like it was happening all over again. There were these…these young men playing a game of pickup basketball. And they were laughing, like it was all just…normal. This one man, oh God, he was eating a sandwich right there on a park bench, and another lady was withdrawing money from a fucking ATM. And of course my buddies are still there! They’re in the shit, man. Christ, it’s so awful to think about.” According to sources, Ringgold drank a glass of water to calm himself down but was unable to get back to sleep after receiving a frantic text from a National Guard member deployed to Portland, OR, who told him the level of normalcy there was even more horrific than anyone could have imagined.





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