SATIRE NEWS: MPA Rates ‘Zootopia 2’ PG-13 For Sexually Awakening Content

WASHINGTON—Warning that the film might evoke certain feelings that audience members weren’t prepared to confront, the Motion Picture Association reportedly assigned Zootopia 2 a PG-13 rating Tuesday for sexually awakening content. “We were quite alarmed by the places we found our thoughts drifting to, and we’re confident the majority of Zootopia 2 viewers will agree,” said MPA spokesperson Richard Weir, who cited Cape buffalo Chief Bogo’s broad shoulders, red fox Nick Wilde’s dreamy gaze, and rabbit Judy Hopps’ “whole deal, from her head to that irresistible little tail,” all as reasons behind the higher-than-expected rating. “We warned Disney not to put Nick Wilde in a tux, but they didn’t listen. Frankly, if we hadn’t gone to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on our faces halfway through, it would have been an R. Parents who bring their children to see Zootopia 2 should be prepared to have some difficult conversations with their kids about attraction. And maybe with their spouses too.” According to sources, Disney has challenged the rating, arguing that the introduction of the repulsive Gary De’Snake canceled out the rest of the characters’ raw sex appeal.