SATIRE NEWS: MLB Adds Clock To Speed Up Joe Davis’ Commentary

NEW YORK—Issuing a rule change they claimed was necessary to bring the game into the 21st century, Major League Baseball officials announced Wednesday they would add a clock to speed up Joe Davis’ commentary. “Adding a 30-second clock to cut down on Joe’s long, rambling commentary is, frankly, a long overdue improvement that will help streamline the broadcast,” said MLB commissioner Rob Manfred, who revealed that millions of fans had requested the new clock, having grown tired of the Fox Sports announcer’s slow and increasingly irrelevant analysis. “Now, a countdown starts the moment Davis launches into one of his drawn-out anecdotes. If he finishes that, he gets an additional 15 seconds to make a single meaningful utterance about what’s happening on the field. When he inevitably fails to do so, we cut his mic. We think fans are going to love that part.” Manfred added that if Davis failed to silence himself three times in a row, he would receive a season-long ban from professional broadcasting.