SATIRE NEWS: Migrant Steals Occupational Injury From Hard-Working American

ATHENS, OH—A Mexican migrant reportedly stole an occupational injury Wednesday from a hardworking American, seizing the opportunity for a broken arm from a resident who grew up in this country. “I could have been the one out there fracturing my ulna and radius after falling off a truck during a nonunion contract gig, but that’s not the way things are here anymore,” said unemployed citizen Graham Toomy, 45, telling reporters that there was a time when decent, industrious Americans like himself could have been degloved in an industrial accident or suffered lung damage from inhaling toxic fumes instead of losing out to someone from a different country. “Many of these people are coming here illegally, and they’re taking our bone fractures, they’re taking our repetitive stress disorders, and they’re even taking the little things like carpal tunnel syndrome. They’re all just trying to load up on medical debt that could be going to people like me and my family.” Toomy added that as concerned as he was about immigrants, he was even more worried that automation would some day take away his son’s chance to receive PTSD on the battlefield.