SATIRE NEWS: Michael Strahan Surpasses Diane Sawyer As Good Morning America’s All-Time Sack Leader

NEW YORK—After months of closing in on the former news anchor’s legendary record, Michael Strahan surpassed Diane Sawyer on Friday as Good Morning America‘s all-time sack leader. “Throughout his career on GMA, Strahan has led the show in tackles, forced fumbles, interceptions, and, most importantly, sacks,” said producer Greg Emerson, adding that Strahan’s speed, strength, and ability to penetrate the offensive line and rush the passer had also earned him the title of ABC’s Defensive Anchor of the Year. “Many people said Diane Sawyer was, and always would be, the undisputed queen of the blitz. But despite suffering a pectoral injury and being put on the IR broadcasting list, Michael Strahan was able to recover, tackle George Stephanopoulos during an in-studio cooking segment, and beat Sawyer’s long-standing record of 140 career sacks.” At press time, Strahan had reportedly been traded to CBS Mornings in exchange for CBS all-time pass rusher Gayle King and CBS return specialist/backup wide receiver Nate Burleson.