SATIRE NEWS: Lorde Requiring All Concertgoers  To Stash Boyfriends In Locked Pouch

Satire news: lorde requiring all concertgoers  to stash boyfriends in locked

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CHICAGO—In a move making her the latest performer to join the distraction-free trend, New Zealand singer-songwriter Lorde confirmed Friday that she was now requiring all concertgoers to stash their boyfriends in locked pouches during her shows. “I understand wanting to share the experience, but I think a live performance is more special when everyone puts their boyfriends away,” said Lorde, who explained that her current Ultrasound World Tour had partnered with Yondr to lock fans’ male significant others in the company’s patented three-by-six-foot pouches before entering the venue. “I don’t want people just glued to their boyfriends for the entire show. Fans should be singing along, dancing, and really getting into the music, so if we see you with a boyfriend, you will be asked to leave. If you need him to get to the venue and get home, we totally understand—just silence him and keep him in the pouch so everyone can enjoy the experience.” According to sources, a fan at a recent Lorde concert was booted from the show after she was caught sneaking in a second boyfriend. 



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